Chuck Norris is a manly man. This has been established. He is the human example of ‘rugged’ in Honda commercials, he is ‘Walker, Texas Ranger’, he fought Jet Li, he can solve any problem with violence using a single roundhouse kick, he gave Jesus the gift of ‘beard’, and he is more popular than boobs.
Chuck Norris is more popular than boobs… at least on January of 2006. This is something not even ‘Beer’ was capable of on a regular basis.
This can be verified with a quick peek at these Google trends.
The original trend can be found here.
How can we explain this? How does a bearded man who is the source of some of the finest facts in the world (Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird. Etc.) come out of the dark for one month and dominate the internet’s curiosity over boobs. Ask Al Gore: the internet was in fact created to increase the popularity of the already well-liked ‘boob’. A very convenient truth.
Some further Wikipedia research informs me that in January, 2006, The Phantom of the Opera surpassed Cats as the longest running Broadway Musical. And I do not give a shit.
Left with no concise insight as to why these events have taken place, I will simply leave you with a handful of Chuck Norris ‘Facts’:
• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
• Guns don’t kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• Chuck Norris doesn’t go hunting…. CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
• Crop circles are Chuck Norris’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
• The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
• When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
• Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
• Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
• If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
• Chuck Norris originally appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
• There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
• Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a “Who has more testicles?” contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
• Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
• When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
• In the beginning there was nothing…then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said “Get a job”. That is the story of the universe.
• It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
• It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
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